Groaning Faith

Thoughts won't form, words don't flow
The pieces fail to fit my life
Unanswered questions grow and grow
Can we end the pain and strife?

I know my faith, sometimes so small
A mustard seed, in fact
Will carry me right through it all
I have no doubt of that.

But now I struggle through tears and fears,
Doubts, insecurities, and pain
My past, present, and future appear
All broken and uncertain.

The will to try,
The strength to maintain,
To understand why...
Should I count this as gain?

Dreams forgotten and shattered,
Hopes and promises blown to the wind;
Years seem wasted and forgotten,
Days stretch on without end.

Who I was and am, boxed up and hidden,
Afraid to reveal the truth.
Confrontation something to avoid...
My life, the living proof,

To do nothing is my desire,
To change and move on is required;
Nothing leads to nothing,
Anything is something.

Holy Spirit, Your groans echo through my heart.
Father, Your tears wash and cleanse by burdened soul.
You feel the emotion that won't depart;
You carry me on to meet Your goal.

The recesses of my mind and spirit
Bleed, but healing begins.
Heaven's Hand touching wounds - I don't see it,
But heart and mind feel, and know, deep within.


Written in March 1998 during a time of brokenness, betrayal, and loss. I remember time in those months when I had no words to pray and would open my Bible to Romans 8:26 and let the Holy Spirit groan and intercede for me. I believe tears were cried for me in heaven...no one hurts like a parent does over a grieving and hurting child...and no one loves like our ABBA Father.